Hi!  My name is “Yeer Dawg”, or at least that’s what my master calls me when he wants me.  I’m a blue heeler.  Yeer Pup was my old name but I’m grown up now.  I guess I should be happy my master considers me a dog.   Bozo is what I call my master.  He sells horses for a living.  Life around this place gets pretty entertaining at times and I would like to share some of my stories with you.  So here goes….. 

I could tell someone was coming because Bozo was out sweeping the ally of the barn.  Sure enough pretty soon here came a car in the driveway.  Out steps this guy that looked like he just got outfitted at K-Mart.  He had on tie-died jeans that were too short for him, a pair of roughout boots and a hat the same texture with a big feather band.   I could see the look of content on Bozo’s face, he’d seen millions of these guys  before.

The cowboy approached the barn and Bozo greeted him like a lion luring his prey.  Bozo began a brief question and answer period, including, “How much riding have you done?”  The cowboy said he knew how to ride real well and wanted to buy a spirited horse.   Bozo then asked him what he wanted to do with the horse.  The customer answered he wanted to go backpacking in the Rocky Mountains.  Now, I can just see this fool in the middle of the Rocky Mountains on a “spirited” horse.  He doesn’t want to go backpacking…he wants to self-destruct!  Bozo told him he had just the horse for him. 

 They walked down the alley of the barn past all the nice horses and went to the last stalls where the cheaper horses are kept.  Bozo led this “thing” out and it was clear to me why he was in the last stalls.  Bozo exclaimed “He doesn’t look very good”, and I didn’t know if he meant the horse was blind or just in rough shape.  The cowboy liked this one because he had three white feet and he knew John Wayne had ridden one that “looked just like him”.  I thought to myself…John Wayne wouldn’t be caught dead on that thing!!  They went ahead and saddled the horse up and the cowboy climbed on.  The head and tail of this fine beast were elevated equally.  Bozo told the cowboy it was good that the horse had his head up where he could see what was going on.  The cowboy bit on that one too.  The only thing good about it that I could see would be he wouldn’t have to lean forward to kiss him between the ears, that is, if the urge struck him.  Bozo was smart enough to lead him to the small pen just north of the barn where the horse couldn’t get away.  I walked out and laid down along side the fence, I knew this would be a good show and I’m just a stupid dog.  After brief instructions from my confident master, this guy said he’d be fine. 

Well…the first two steps were a walk and the next two were somewhere between walk  and all out war!  Fortunately for the “experienced rider” it wasn’t far to the other side of the pen.  The horse went to the corner and stayed there with the rider frozen on his back.  His knuckles were turning white, both shoulders looked like they were propped up with a board and this cowboy didn’t even want to look around.  Ego over took him and he turned the horse around and headed back toward where I was laying.  Once he reached the fence and the horse stopped, the cowboy exclaimed, “I sure like his spirit.”  He said it with the same tone as you would use when trying to devour a meal you can’t stand.  At this point I was contemplating biting the horse on the ankle.  I knew that wouldn’t fly with Bozo so I stayed where I was.  Bozo explained how it took time to get used to a new horse and this fool almost choked on the invisible hook hanging from his mouth.  After a little coaching, cowboy was getting along much better.  I suppose it was all in what you compare it with.   When things got slow and everyone got confident, Bozo got on the horse and naturally, the horse did things just fine.  The head went down, the tail relaxed and he seemed like a different horse.  I thought things were a little slow so I made one of my famous passes at the horses front feet.  After a few choice words, I was told to go to the house, so I made it as far as the fence and things resumed at the normal pace.  They both came in the barn with horse.  The cowboy wanted to bring his girlfriend out to see his prized find before he made his decision.  Of course, Bozo, trying to rush things along, asked how soon she could come out.  The cowboy said she didn’t live very far from here and he would just run over and get her now, and he left. 

After a while he returned and let me tell you, his taste in women matched his taste in horses.  She dressed up for the occasion!  She put on her hat and boots that matched his except for a few more feathers.  Her pants were the lavender polyester, one-size-fits-all variety.  She had them girted up good and tight around the middle, and if she had a belt on, you would never know it.  She said she wasn’t a very good rider but she liked to talk to horses. She then told how cowboy was her horse expert and would teach her to ride as soon as he bought a horse.  Now, I thought, cowboy in the Rockies would be a sight to see…but this could be down right exciting.  She then started a story about her grandfather and I knew we would be there a while.  After we heard all the exciting details about the nag her grandfather had, cowboy wanted to ride the horse for her.  Bozo, being the smart person he sometimes is, talked him out of that.  Cowboy and his girlfriend decided all that could be done after they got the prized steed home.  Bozo tried to talk him into taking a few lessons on the horse.  Cowboy  was real interested but come to find out, it was because he wanted to start giving riding lessons to the neighborhood kids.  They made arrangements for delivery.  Cowboy left walking ten feet off the ground.  I thought, there goes another satisfied customer.  His kind never bring the horse back because they would never admit to failure.

 Until next time…this is Yeer Dawg signing off.